Who am I

This morning's walk on the beach resulted in a revelation, as morning walks on the beach usually do. Most of my life, even as a child my biggest question was why me? 

Who. Am. I. To deserve this happy life. I have not earned it. I am not a saint. I could never believe I have the ability to please God with my actions. I have disappointed and coward far too many times for that. 

I use to come up with all kinds of answers, the biggest of which being: something awful is going to happen to me so I was meant to live a happy life beforehand. I honestly waited and waited for this something to occur. It still could, but the answer I was looking for is now as clear as an answer can be coming from the divine into the ears of a mere human. 

There is no balance and rewards system. One does not earn a happy life. Or earn an awful life. Nor do these two states of living balance out by the time of your last breathe. 

The answer I found in a song and a bible verse. The song: Who am I by Casting Crowns:

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt?

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours, I am Yours.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours.

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours.

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

'Cause I am Yours, I am Yours.

The verse: John 8:42-47

42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come here from God. I have not come on my own; God sent me.43 Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! 46 Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me?47 Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.”

Those who hear from the devil and carries out his desires and commands belong to the devil. They are slaves to him because the devil has no love. Those who love God honestly and truthfully and hear his commands and wishes, belong to God. Yet we are his sons and daughters, not slaves, because God is love (John 4:8). 

I love God with all my being and that is not just a statement it is a truth, and it is all-consuming. There is no other way to love. 

With this in mind, God is my father. Not new news to all you church-goers out there. But understand this: this means he considers us his children. He treats and loves me as his daughter, because I am. This thought is incomprehensible to me because I do not deem myself worthy enough to have this title. But He has said it is so. 

I have been fortunate enough to have an incredible earthly father that shows me what is like to be loved as a daughter. I am spoiled with love. So much so, that I am correctly disciplined, even if it hurts my father to do so, he does it because he loves me  and being punished and put through trials makes me stronger and saves me in the end from destruction.   

With his example, I see how it is God treats me as his daughter as well. He loves me. I seek him. 

Aaaaaand a picture of this beautiful morning will of course be included for a visual: