Home

I got home 30 minutes before graduation after an hour ride sitting next to a woman as drunk as a skunk. Chloe did my hair while mom did my makeup. It was the best thing ever. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 

Seeing everyone brought such an overwhelming happiness to my heart. 

I have only been home for 48 hours and I can't count the number of times already I have thought of my second home-France. Most of the time I think of it with such joy, but on occasionally it is accompanied with an acute pain of the heart. I can't possibly accept that I will never return, so goodbye for now my classy, friendly, beautiful country. 

Don't forget

I'm so scared to forget anything. Not my underwear or toothbrush but my memories. I'm terrified. I don't want the little details to fade from my mind. I lived here. Really lived that in way felt like the first time. 

So here's a list for future me. Future me, don't you dare forget:

How freezing cold the room at the institute was and how you would spend an hour practically on top of the heater. 

The birds chirping in the bathroom. 

The super super early mornings and the thin crackers and tea. 

How scared you were the first day for breakfast.

The night you and Jacob stayed up until 5 talking about stupid things and telling stories. 

Rome. Rome was the bomb. 

The smell of the cafe bar.

Honfleur and how competent you were using French. 

John, Maddie, and Marcie. 

Finding a sand dune to lay down on and just soak up the sun. 

Volleyball. 

Mr. Garnier. 

GBU and the random English phrases from Jeremy and guy-we-always-forget-his-name. (My preciouss)

The adrenaline of getting on and finding a seat on the bus. 

Sleeping on the bus. 

Danielle's sly looks and her dream about Brad Pitt. 

The road trip back from Paris with Elvira. 

The Eiffel Tower with Jacob's family. 

Getting bread in the mornings.

Walking from the apartment to the institute. 

All the people you met from the groups. 

The freedom to go run and walk whenever. 

Being in God's presence on the hour long walks on the beach. 

Coca cola for Troncy's class. 

How you and Jacob both simultaneously forgot your tickets for the play until you guys were half way there. 

The second time you forgot your ticket after multiple reminders and the sheer terror that followed, resulting in a trip home and back. 

Returning to the train station after Rome. 

The train ride back from Rome and the excitement of making the last train by two minutes. 

Running through Paris totally turned around and getting directions. 

Brett and Robin in class. 

Cafeteria time. 

Coffee (espresso really) after lunch at home. 

The really bad jokes from Brett. 

Robin when she gets tired and we both laugh at absolutely nothing. 

Fruity mentos. 

Phase 10 and multiple other card games.

The first game of chess. 

The one time you jumped out and scared Jacob. 

Cleaning bathrooms with great music and dancing all of us working as a team. 

Church in Houlgate and Caen. 

The old man that smelled like baby oil and does his bisous confusingly. 

Salmon and spinach. 

Fresh bread with Camembert. 

The white asparagus soup. 

Your inability to pour a glass of water without spilling any. 

Learning the duet and the song from Pride and Prejudice on the piano. 

How elated you could feel. 

How devastated you could feel. 

The generosity of the French. 

Picking out flowers with Brett and Steve.

Steve and his awkward pauses. 

Meow.

The realization you made that no one else has it figured out either so whatever you do is okay. 

How quickly you learned French. 

How speaking another language is like knowing a secret code and changes your mindset. 

Know that I have this I hope it will be possible for me to not forget but pack it away so that I can handle leaving. 

One Week Exactly

I have never been so torn. I want to go home. But I don't want to leave. I miss my family. But I will miss my family here. 

I have officially started packing. 

I'm leaving a lot of clothes here, and that is refreshing in a way. 

Four chez vous students came yesterday and that has been fun. We walked around town today and visited the market. (Not going to lie, I felt like a pro). Yesterday we visited Monet's house and gardens. 

I spent six hours in the van and four hours in an airport but there wasn't necessarily a dull moment. 

I have noticed that when there is a big change on the horizon for me, I get drowsy. It's the darnest thing. I'm going to label it as a coping mechanism. But my mind is currently mush. 

Fun fact I have learned about myself, people are everything. Having people around and being a listener and listened too, is very important to me. I would not have thought this because I spend an adequate amount of time alone and thought that it is what I preferred. 

Fun fact about France, meals are everything. One does not show up late for a meal. This is unheard of and of the highest offense. I have not been late for food once (shocker). 

The French also love to ponder and make sport of regarding the intricacies and delicate balance of one's (or of another's) love life. But it could also just be Danielle. I will miss her so much. She is one of the few people that I could never forget. She has such a strong and calming presence. She is my adopted grandmother. We have not held a single conversation in English (because it is impossible) but in her words this is        << n'importe quoi. >>

Aujourd'hui et Hier

(Not finished, no worries)

Ma skills

I've been experiencing an artsy flair the past couple weeks. I've learned four songs on the piano (outside of these four I know one tune), worked on a charcoal I started in January, visited quite a few art museums, and lounged in the sun pondering life and such. It has actually been pretty fun. 

Applying to jobs gives me anxiety like none other. But, I did do a few adult-responsible things like that as well. I wrote my graduation speech. Yeah, sorry ahead of time. It's short, to the point, includes nothing about high school, and is not in French. But, I like it. 

There are two families and a woman staying here at the present and I do believe that they are my favorite. The woman speaks a little English but doesn't use it very often, she has been helping me a lot with my French.

 The two families in total brought 5 kids. I. Have. Missed. Children. They are all over the place here but I haven't gotten to actually hold one in a while. They are all boys except for one girl who is not afraid to make friends. The baby had these gorgeous brown eyes and was dressed better than most guys I know, in suspenders. The girl came downstairs all by herself with what I assume to be her parents phone to show us pictures of her artwork while sitting in my lap. 

Jacob came back from his week and a half trip yesterday and recounted his journey. Never put him in the drivers seat of a manual car. I hope these last few weeks are filled with laughter and day trips and French. 

Collection Of Pictures from Wednesday

Yes, those are stingrays. No, this is not normal. 

We walked two hours both way to get to Cabourg (this town with the Ferris wheel) 

(I won) 

Paris: Round 3

I got to visit my fave city this weekend. We went to:

The house of Josephine (Napoleon's wife/lover?)

Versailles 

Marie Antoinette's Home and Gardens (gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous this lady knew how to landscape) (also, fun fact, she installed a village on her land for the poor and often dressed like them and worked among them when she tired of being the most wealthy woman in the country)

The Latin Quarter

A medieval  museum

Notre Dame (there was a choir)

The oldest church in France 

Underground ruins

The site once believed to hold the thorn crown of Jesus (all stained glass)

A famous jail where Marie Antoinette and other "celebrities" lived and were sentenced to death 

The Arc de Triumph (which I climbed, yet again, to the top, this time I walked the entire circumference and got a great 360 of Paris)

The "lock bridge" (a favorite)

The Champs-Élysées (where I bought a single tube of red lipstick) (and had a lemon and then a rose macaroon) 

The Louvre (not a fantastic experience I must say)(it's overwhelming in the first place but on top of that we had thirty minutes because Jacob had to leave, I could have stayed longer but after sprinting through crowds and up and down stairs to find the most important relics and then finding that they were cool but not life-changing, I was kind of over it)

The Musée D'Orsee (my most favorite museum to date) (it was renovated from the old train station and holds the BEST art) (I bought a bag and a magnet)

Musée de l'Orangerie (had Monet's huge painting and a new favorite sculpture of mine, Aldolfo Wildt, unfortunately there were no pictures allowed and on top of that tight security)

Mémoire de la Shoah (a holocaust museum)(which held a room where all the ashes from the camps are buried in soil from Jerusalem and a single flame burns 24/7) (there was also an exhibition that has actual footage of the concentration camps during WWII)

Other bits and pieces 

I've got to say, it's always the things you don't plan for on trips that make them worth while. 

Jacob's family came to visit him and travel for a week so we met up with them on Saturday night. I'm so glad they did come, I didn't realize how much I had missed the family scene. We are a little family here, but not in the traditional sense. He has two brothers; John and Justin. We all went to eat at a Creperie and had a grand old time. From there we went to my baby: THE Eiffel Tower. 

I love it so much. It's neat during the day. But it is magical at night. 

Why yes, yes I am a hopeless romantic. 

It's not really a feeling I can describe so I will let you all discover this for yourselves. 

We ate some great sandwiches for lunch on Sunday. Next to the place we ate was a bookstore. Not any old Barnes & Noble. This place had character. There were tables set up in the street and sidewalk full of dirt cheap books. There was 90's music playing from the inside, the doors were propped open, employees were singing along. There were metal spiral stairs leading upstairs to the used and new CDs and downstairs leading to an even more cluttered collection of literature and manuals. It all had a perfectly disorganized feel, which I can relate to. Here I purchased two things. The first: a hard back pocket-sized French children's book of Noah's ark with the best illustrations. Second: a CD I grabbed last second when I decided I wanted some French music. 

After experiencing the metros of Rome I have an entirely new perspective of the French transportation system- they are doing something right. Rome= complete chaos and bodies pushed up against every inch of you. Paris= a well oiled system of letting the elderly sit and the rest fill in around. I can handle the metros of Paris, I didn't feel like I was constantly being pick-pocketed. 

After the second day, when Jacob had already left, Elvira and I unanimously decided to get Chinese take out to eat in bed because we were so exhausted (the last time my feet were that sore was when I was finishing my 14 hour hike ar Long's Peak). 

So we basically vegged out that night. We half watched a black and white French film and I practiced reading my children's book.  

The ride home was one for the books. It was like a scene from Eat. Pray. Love. Okay well I slept for about an hour because I couldn't help it. But it was just the most chill ride. We paused for dinner at a rest stop (much cleaner, much nicer, and inhabited by much more normal people than some I have experienced in the US). It's normal to eat in the car at these sorts of things. It's either illegal or simply unheard of to eat while driving. Why do two things at once? There is no rush. Life's a journey. Blah blah. 

We ate in the sunset. Shoes off. Salmon sald cold. Chocolate waffle melty. That's when I pulled out the total gamble of a CD I purchased in Paris and tried it out. Yeah. It's basically the best thing ever. So Elvira and I finished our trip with great music, French countryside, and lots of laughing. I was pretty high on life. 

Salut

Salut c'est moi. I found my phone. Well it was returned to me anyways (Mimi, I have only lost it one time in four months so you can quit shaking your head). 

Lots has happened ofcourse. 

So, much to say. 

My favorite parts of the last few weeks has been the sunshine. And the great weather. Maddie, Marcie, John, and Romane have all ventured out here to the beach multiple times thus far. It's always a good time. Those days consist of lots of food, volleyball, walking, phase 10 and piano playing. 

I love going to our bible group each Tuesday. I loathed it at first because, well, I don't speak French. And it was and still is sometimes awkward. But the people are great. I am awful with names. So I can't exactly describe each individual in detail. But they are all awesome. That's all there is to know. The actual study is great too. They aren't allowed to hold a religious meeting so it's more of a discussion which makes it a million times more intellectual than what I am used to. There is no "because that's the way it is" explanations. We look up references, Greek translations, dig deep into human understanding for a meaning. 

I have learned a lot about relationships on this trip (far more than I expected). It's amazing and so fun for me to see who is placed in my life and how they contribute. I have learned patience, courage, maturity, flexibility, how to be a hard worker, how not to act in front of a professor, who to be afraid of, who needs love, and how tender my own heart is all from the array of people I have come to know here. 

It's apparently culturally correct to ask perfectly random strangers for cigarettes here. I can't count how many times this has happened. In fact, that is one conversation in French I have most definitely gotten down.

Classes are going well. Good grades. Good teachers. Yesterday I gave a presentation in Troncy's class who the absolute most French woman I know. And she gave me the second best compliment I have received to date. She said my pronunciation was very close to a native French speaker. 

My time here is almost up. This makes me so sad. I want to see everyone back home but I don't want to see this adventure end. 

I can't imagine how I would have been if I hadn't taken this risk. I can't imagine being in high school right now. This trip will serve as a permanent reminder to always take the road less travelled. It's harder and more stressful and sometimes I think I took a wrong turn and got lost. But it's more like living. 

And it doesn't have to be another country. I'm excited for college in the fall. I'm excited to get a job this summer. I'm excited to be an adult. 

I am alive

But currently without a phone so I mean who would really know right?


Also convinced I am coming back with lung cancer from all this second hand smoke.


That is my input for this fine day.

Je ne sais pas

You know how beautiful it becomes right after a heavy rain or thunderstorm? That picturesque scene and feeling decribes my day today. 

Totally blessed. Full of grace. Everything becoming clear. Life can begin again. Maybe even better off and quenched of thirst. 

God is so good. If you seek him in everything, you may hurt and not think you can survive, but it is irrelevant, because he provides and cares for all our needs in the end. 

I feel bad, this morning Elvira was supposed to leave at 6 to pick up the group in Paris.. Only their plane got rerouted and Faith and I were not aware of this. So I mean Faith got up and took a "shower" (in the tub spray thing). Then I did. With a lot of loud music because there is no other way to take a shower. Just jammin out. Then we were both talkative and just dumb silly this morning (which never happens). I start to open the door and I see Elvira's keys in the lock and oh I wish I could've seen my face. I tip toe back to our room and conveyed the message to Faith who manifested a similar look of utter shock. Aha. Oops. 

The sun was out today = Claira est heureuse. 

It was also John's birthday today (oh john) so Brett and Robin baked up a ton of cookies and shared them with our class and faculty. On top of that, they bought him plenty of groceries for the next month to help him through. I cannot convey how blessed I am to have them here. They have such kind and courageous hearts. I'm convinced they will heal the lost and sad souls over here one person at a time. They have plenty of determination for it. 

I bought some new music (Sia- Chandelier/Elastic Heart and Fall out Boy- Sugar We're Going Down:tres bien). I've listened to the same stuff everyday on the hour and a half commute for the past three months. So that makes my life a lot better in itself. Even if it's three songs. It's like a surprise treat when they turn on in my shuffle. 

I love walking up to my third floor apartment around dinner time because every floor holds a new smell of French cuisine. It makes me feel closer to these neighbors I have never met somehow. 

I bought some flowers that were on sale for said apartment. 

Je suis finis. 

I just like this picture.

Just a bit of ketchup

They actually do eat ketchup here. There is a single large dispenser in the cafeteria that I unashamedly visit frequently. 

Every day at lunch I eat one and a half boiled eggs. And a roll. The main dish and dessert are irrelevant as long as I get the first two. 

Now time to "catch up". Ha. 

We went to a ballet last night. It was really fun mostly because I enjoy Faith and Jacob. The ballet itself was modern and included half naked dancers and random music. But it was most definitely the most entertaining show yet. 

I wear the one black dress I bought at the beginning of this crazy adventure and it has become my "concert dress". I have a pre-concert ritual that includes a shower, actually blow-drying my hair (a big deal these days), a touch of eyeliner and a spritz of perfume (again, very sacredness rituals). 

So I mean, when a girl is all dolled up (like so) it doesn't matter what she is going to watch, it's going to be a good night. 

Older women here have no problem asking for help. I have been approached on multiple occasions, mostly at the supermarket, by itty bitty cute-as-buttons old ladies with a "bonjour, excuse moi,... Si vous plait". My favorite encounter so far has been the three foot two asking for help reaching the top shelf for her night cream. So precious. 

I cannot describe the frustration I feel nowadays. 

Now I can comprehend most if not all aspects of a conversation. In church Sunday, I understood all that this little old man was saying to me. But even though I'm far enough along to understand and hear I can't think fast enough to come up with a response so I'm left with head nods. It's makes me so upset to be so close to conversing with these people yet unable to return commentary. 

Lots of new experiences over here. Some good some bad. Lots of learning opportunities for sure. I'm learning a lot about life. 

Quelques Photos

Colleen's Last Blog (a tad delayed)

I'm sitting in the plane in Paris waiting to fly back to Chicago. I feel like I have a permanent smile programmed into my brain and displayed on my face I could not have envisioned a more enjoyable week. The days were spent walking around the town of Francville, scrubbing the cold room in the kitchen, lounging in the afternoon sun on the beach and eating copious amounts of French cuisine. Watching Claira navigate a new language and develop lifelong friendships with such wonderful people makes me so humble. How do I deserve such joy? How can any one person be so blessed? My gratitude for those that have shaped and molded Claira into the young woman she is today has no end. I dare not try to list the family, friends and teachers for fear of forgetting someone. Please know that I hear your words of wisdom in her reflections, I see the joy you have shared with her in her eyes, and I feel the confidence brought forth through a deep sense of peace in her smile. I am counting the days until I hold her again. 

New Room, New Me

I tell you what, there is always something new and changing here. Routine is an outline for daily life. 

Just this week I moved from my room here at the institute into Elvira's apartment with her and Faith due to the first of the groups arriving this week. 

I like it because it's a pretty independent life. I've got my own set of keys (yes I am proud of this) and come and go sometimes without seeing Faith or Elvira. 

There is no shower. It's a spray thing in a bath tub. I'm not going to lie I was a tad weary of this at first. However, my first experience with it yesterday surprised me. 

I'm a fan. 

It's like a shower. Except you get to sit down. It's fantastic. 

I also brought over a mattress from the institute (yes I'm a princess) so I sleep on two mattresses and I'll wake up in the middle of the night to find I've fallen into the the abyss that is the space between my mattress mountain and wall. 

I've been having these super vivid, realistic dreams that makes me question reality. 

Quite a few mornings I have woken up to things like my mother in the room or Faith cleaning the closet or me turning my alarm off only to actually wake up a few seconds later and am left to decipher what has actually happened. 

That may be a side effect of sleep deprevation. 

But I shouldn't complain. Because: 

a) I'm so busy and entertained that there are no side affects (except the lucid dreams and excessive eating habits)

b) Everybody else here has been working so hard even through their sicknesses 

The only ones not sick are Faith, Jacob and I (we've got those young, invincible immune systems). 

I need to run today. And take a shower. And do my homework. And skype. And laundry. And clean. And socialize. Nah. 

Guest Blogger (mom)

 

Oh, to be in France.  I arrived on Saturday morning around 10am and had to wait until 9pm to see Claira. She had a class field trip that she had to attend.  The day seemed to go on forever!  I almost leapt from the car to hug her when I saw her.  Okay, I did leap from the car when I saw her.  Best hug ever!!  We spend the next day talking, giggling, and hugging. She just kept looking at me and grinning from ear to ear.  

I decided to spend Monday at the University with her.  Awake at 5:45, shower, a quick breakfast of bread, jam and chocolate, and then a brisk 10 minute walk to the bus stop.  Walk from the bus stop to the tram, ride the tram to the University, walk from the tram, down a set of stairs, through an outdoor graffiti laden tunnel, and into one of the buildings on campus, up two flight of stairs to class and wait until the professor arrives.  Quite the ordeal before even starting!   I went to each class.  I must confess it was intimidating.  During the second class, the professor insisted that I participate.  I did my fair share of scraping through French pronunciation before class ended.  The professor was both kind and forgiving.  All three of the classes were engaging, active and extremely rigorous.  I was impressed with how much Claira has learned up to this point.  The members of her class are quite the cast of characters.  They include students from Albania, Ukraine, Syria and the U.S; a doctor, an engineer,  a mother of two and several college students.  I loved the variety of viewpoints and engagement within the class.  They have formed quite a bond as they are together all day for each class.  I was exhausted by the time we arrived home around 6:00.

(i will here attach the only picture we have together that she approves of-feat. Faith)

Mes Amis

Relationships are complex around the world. I find relationships between people to be the most interesting thing. 

The dynamics and set-up of said relationships differ immensely from country to country. 

Americans are friends with everyone. Their spouse, their best friend, their neighbor, the random people they cross on the sidewalk, the guy who picked up their pencil, the girl two rows back in class, the dude across the street with the same shirt on, their neighbor'a dog, the list is endless. Yet, if the man who made conversation with them in the subway the day before called them up asking for a favor- they would be a little put off. 

We may have a hundred friends and one best friend. 

The French only value these "best friend" relationships. 

They will have a small group of really close friends that they will keep for life.

They seriously do not take these things lightly here. If you are accepted into one of these intimate circles you are there for life no questions asked. 

This makes life different over here. 

When walking down the street here, you avoid eye contact to the person you pass. 

I, of course I'm American, took offense to this at first. I didn't understand why these people were so above me that they couldn't be bothered to acknowledge me. 

I didn't understand the culture. 

They were being polite.

In their minds, it would be rude to make eye contact and give nothing more than a shallow nod of the head or "good day" (again, there is no value in shallow relationships). 

When we say "hello" or "good morning" we mean nothing by it other than "I see you". When I receive a "bonjour" here, it is an invitation of friendship. Which can be accepted or denied, either is acceptable. If I accept, I reciprocate the "bonjour". If I do not, I simply ignore (this is more acceptable in a situation when it is a guy talking to me). If it is a professional relationship (me buying bred and conversing with the boulangère). It must be wrapped up with a "merci!" pause "au revoir!"  

There is no situation too inconvenient to greet a friend. 

Walking around the jungle of a cafeteria, I could make eye contact with a guy from the bible study I go to once a week (all French, no English, so it's not like I've had real deep, good talks with these people) and he will make his way to me and we will do the "bisous" (cheek kiss thing) with trays in hand and people knocking into us. "Bonjour, ça va?" "Oui, ça va!" "A bientôt!" "A bientôt!"

Every. Time. 

When walking into a room (such as a church, dinner, a classroom) you must shake hands and/or bisous every male and bisous every woman. One by one. Only then is it acceptable to relax and begin to converse or go about your business. 

They really have a way of making you feel wanted.

Life is good. 

🇫🇷

THE Colosseum

Oh it was just perfect. 

I have the best colosseum experience. 

And what is great is that we didn't plan anything out or have any agenda in mind.

It started with our favorite little pizzeria. 

We were regulars. 

You have to understand that Marci and Madison just make friends everywhere they go- mostly because they have no shame (I admire that). 

So we had definitely bonded with the "papa", the owner of the place, along with his son and daughter. 

They tried to teach Madison Itlaian phrases, random customers were trying to help translate, papa made us a Nutella dessert no charge, and we got a fantastic group selfie with Marci's selfie stick (she whipped that thing out a lot). 

*okay so we took a lot of selfies 

So then the Colesseum.  

We just walked around, the weather was amazing (I was in short sleeves).

While Jacob continued to crawl around the levels and actually read the signs and history, the rest of us lounged on a fallen column in the sun and just tried to accept the fact that we were actually in the Colesseum in Rome. 

After a good half hour of this, we ambled in the direction of Michelangelo's "Moses". In the process of ambling we sat on this bridge that had the best view of the Colesseum. That was good. 

We found the statue and then decided we needed gelato again. 

However, we smelled kabobs before we had a chance to gorge ourselves with frozen goodness. 

So with our spicy kabobs and ice cold cokes we wound up back at the same bridge watching couples being couples pigeons being pigeons and the sun setting behind the Colesseum. 

It was a fantastic day. 

short story

Yesterday we were roaming around just walking looking for inspiration to do something. 

Madison is in constant search for gelato. Whether or not she ingested some for lunch or five minutes ago. If there is gelato- she will get some. 

Marci has no shame in asking for directions, recommendations, etc. 

We paused outside a fresh fish store. The owners are usually just standing outside if they don't have customers. 

This owner was knawing on some lunch when Marci asked where the nearest Gelato shop was. 

He then proceeded to walk us all the way there. Trying to communicate in animated Italian. 

There was no one there when we got there. He waited with us for a good fifteen minutes until the owner of the shop arrived. 

In the this span of time and "conversing" I  believe we unknowingly consented to marriage. All three of us. 

Speaking of gelato- it's hit or miss. I've experienced both. It's completely worth it. 

I now understand the seduction of food. 

I am in love with a food. 

That food is honey gelato from I gelati di San Crispino. 

I can't even describe to you. 

Day 1

(my most favorite graffiti ever)

Vacation on my Vacation & Story within a Story

{So I'm going to Italy. 

Today. 

It's been a process let me tell ya. I would not have ever been able to do this without the help of my loyal companion Jacob. I wish I were perfectly capable to navigate from one station to another in Paris and ask for directions on how to receive our train tickets with less than five minutes to spare, I have discovered I am not that person. 

For those at home who really know me it will come as a shock, and distrust my conclusion, but as it turns out, when it comes to traveling.. I am a detail person *gasp*. Like actual details. And planning. And being.. On time... Wutt. 

I mean, my entire persona has not been compromised because, as it is, I have quite enjoyed the thrill of having no earthly idea on what we are doing and the foreign feeling of it all. 

But, alas, it is true. I have found the hamartia to my untimely nature. 

We are sitting in an airport outside of Paris now with no wifi, (this will be posted later) but as of now we are alive and well. 

(And having the freaking time of our lives)}

This was written 12 hours ago. Oh my geez a lot can happen in 12 hours. 

It began with a flight delay, surprise surprise, and lack of wifi. 

The lack of wifi affected the fact that we couldn't get a hold of the other girls in our group who were at the hotel all ready waiting for us to check in (it was on Javob's card). So we still don't know what happened to them. 

The latest check in time was midnight at the hotel we had planned on staying at (and had booked). As it neared 11:30 WHILE I WAS STILL FASTENED INTO THE PLANE I began to panic (due to the fact that our hotel was 30 min away). We got off, found each other and tried our best to make fast, smart decisions. 

The first step in this long line of logic and survival mode was to try and reach the hotel by phone and beg them to wait for us.

Only we don't have a phone that works here so that left us to the mercy of the two pay phones by the back door. 

It ate 1€ and each time I put in more it said it costed another and another. The other just didn't work all together. Having given up on this, we just decided to hope for the best and race outside to hail a taxi. There was a very long line of other clueless tourists. We were the last ones in the clueless tourists line. A single taxi came approx. every 15-20 minutes. 

Initiate full panic mode. 

At this point I'm not sure what I thought I mean besides, "dear Jesus I still trust you and all but uhh you are going to keep us safe right?" 

Jacob had wifi at that airport so he searched for a good half hour for hotels we could check into that late. We found a few (with my help) and just chose one. 

There was a legal line for taxis and a spot for illegal taxis. 

I counted three legal taxis all together. 

At about 12:45 I was set on sticking with the legal no matter what. By 1, as the line slowly got smaller, both taxis started to dwindle. When there were four of us left standing on the curb I was almost convinced that was it, we would have to either walk to a hotel nearby (this airport is not in the center of Rome it's on the outskirts, we were not in a city scene) or huddle together somewhere and miserably (yet adventurously) take on the night (as scenes of mafia crime flash through my head). 

After an eternity of waiting, one beautiful illegal taxi comes around the corner. Now I said there were four of us. One other couple were ahead of us. However, I was not, not getting in that taxi. So after they pointed to their address for Luigi (I don't know his actual name, if I had a guess though it would definitely be Luigi) I barged my way in and pointed to my address pointedly. Short convo between the French couple and us and we were on our way. 

The Frenchies were staying at a five star hotel, but they were open this late. I wanted to ask if they had any availability so Luigi was all like, "oh-a no-a problem, I'll-a wait here."

They said they didn't have availability. They were liars and I hate them. Yeah I had been traveling for a good 7 hours so I didn't look on my a-game but I was willing to pay. 

So back to Luigi, with some address to a hotel we found online. 

May I just say, Luigi's driving=impeccable if you are concerned about time. We drove places I didn't know you could drive, especially at certain speeds. I mean we flew over curbs, through lights and on tram tracks. 

At my attempt to be helpful I ended up backing out of the page with our hotel's address. We now had no idea where to go and no idea how much it was going to cost for this ridiculous taxi ride. 

Luigi was very helpful. But I still can't tell if he wanted extra cash or he genuinely wanted to help. Either way we were just driving looking for hotels when we stumbled upon Hotel Bled. 

Yeah I was a little skeptical as well. 

I ran inside and behind the desk is the cutest old Italian man you've ever seen. 

There was a room available. 

Maybe I was a little flustered, maybe it was because I'm young but as Jacob went to pay Luigi, this man told me I could pay the next day (as I am trying to count my euros with a shaky hand). He took care of everything. And handed us the golden key. 

 We finally made it safe. And we laughed at the fact that both of us thought we would for sure be sleeping in an alley. 

So today I'm in Rome. 

And though tired, thoroughly excited to browse the city. 

Who am I

This morning's walk on the beach resulted in a revelation, as morning walks on the beach usually do. Most of my life, even as a child my biggest question was why me? 

Who. Am. I. To deserve this happy life. I have not earned it. I am not a saint. I could never believe I have the ability to please God with my actions. I have disappointed and coward far too many times for that. 

I use to come up with all kinds of answers, the biggest of which being: something awful is going to happen to me so I was meant to live a happy life beforehand. I honestly waited and waited for this something to occur. It still could, but the answer I was looking for is now as clear as an answer can be coming from the divine into the ears of a mere human. 

There is no balance and rewards system. One does not earn a happy life. Or earn an awful life. Nor do these two states of living balance out by the time of your last breathe. 

The answer I found in a song and a bible verse. The song: Who am I by Casting Crowns:

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt?

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours, I am Yours.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours.

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours.

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

'Cause I am Yours, I am Yours.

The verse: John 8:42-47

42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come here from God. I have not come on my own; God sent me.43 Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! 46 Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me?47 Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.”

Those who hear from the devil and carries out his desires and commands belong to the devil. They are slaves to him because the devil has no love. Those who love God honestly and truthfully and hear his commands and wishes, belong to God. Yet we are his sons and daughters, not slaves, because God is love (John 4:8). 

I love God with all my being and that is not just a statement it is a truth, and it is all-consuming. There is no other way to love. 

With this in mind, God is my father. Not new news to all you church-goers out there. But understand this: this means he considers us his children. He treats and loves me as his daughter, because I am. This thought is incomprehensible to me because I do not deem myself worthy enough to have this title. But He has said it is so. 

I have been fortunate enough to have an incredible earthly father that shows me what is like to be loved as a daughter. I am spoiled with love. So much so, that I am correctly disciplined, even if it hurts my father to do so, he does it because he loves me  and being punished and put through trials makes me stronger and saves me in the end from destruction.   

With his example, I see how it is God treats me as his daughter as well. He loves me. I seek him. 

Aaaaaand a picture of this beautiful morning will of course be included for a visual:

L'ecole

School is in full swing. Full. Swing. Mondays I get up at 5:30 to catch the 6:45 bus and begin the day with my favorite teacher, Fabien (I call him Fabio). He refuses to use any English (even though he was a professor in Wherensburg, Missouri- weird I know, he's french I swear.. but speaks perfect English) and I would never compete against him in a game of charades because he is a pro at getting the point across through actions. 

Unfortunately, as it is with all great teachers, I have to actually be awake and alert for his classes. 

He is bald. 

Then I have phonetics, dear lord, I simultaneously appreciate and despise that class. 

Our teacher is like "that English teacher" that every student has at some point. You know the one I'm talking about. All work, no play. High strung. Anyways, it's trés difficile. It's like a music class because it's all about rhythm and pronunciation. 

I hate geography, that hasn't changed. Our teacher is quite the character. 100% French. She has probably has a million different facial expressions- most of which are quite comical. Her whole persona just reminds me of some bizarre Disney character. 

Our class seems to get along pretty well and it's been fun getting to know everyone's personalities. 

The cafeteria is a zoo. A zoo that I can't communicate with. After I push my way around the food and grab whatever is most convenient (pointing and smiling in place of French), I go through the check out line (another smile), then pick up my silverware, sauce, and glass without breaking and/or spilling anything on or around the people bumping into me (smiles), I have to find a seat for (at least two) in a European lunchroom in which everyone sits right next to each other. 

Rant out. 

lol

At my attempt at a good run yesterday. I woke up at seven and saw that it was dark, rainy, and so windy my window had opened. I said to myself, "I don't care. No excuses today, you've probably gained twenty pounds in bread." So I went back to sleep and woke up at ten. And, thank you Jesus, it was a sunny day. It was also the windiest day of the year. I don't think I can describe to you just how windy. It was blowing in straight from the ocean (channel) and was so strong that Jacob and I couldn't hear each other talk. Nevertheless, we set out on that wild blackberry trail with intention to run to a lifeguard building we thought we remembered seeing. 

Yeah, we never found it. I'll give myself credit for maybe a mile. A good, fastish mile, but a mile. Then we were a tad turned around. 

So instead of turning around and coming back the way we came, we took a different trail (logic). And that trail didn't go anywhere so we took another..and another.. And kinda gave up and ended up on the beach. 

If it was windy before, it was a hurricane on that beach. But it was so beautiful. Yesterday was one of those days that are memorable for beauty. Those mental snapshots will forever stay in my head. The usually flat water was churning, white caps as far as you could see. The sun was bright and there were random large fluffy white clouds that flew by at shocking speed. Up and down the coast were kite surfers with their wetsuits and bright-colored contraptions. 

(Kite surfing looks like a blast by the way, but it also looks impossible so)

There was a deep row of seashells lining the beach that had washed up during the night and actual seafoam. I love seafoam for those who didn't know. Of course there will be pictures to follow. 

Unfortunately, I can't post videos. I have quite a few of those as well. 

Today we shall attempt to run again. In theory.